The Wicked End

To start out, I'm just writing this to keep me sane for a short period of time. To keep my mind working so I don't get to thinking about things that I don't want to think about at the moment. So I'll just write a new blog telling everyone about how boring and lifeless my life has been in the past couple weeks.

Well, my tattoos are healed and looking pretty amazing. Not gonna lie. I absolutely love them. The redness in the middle of my circle has faded and now its only a slightly pink color, but considering the fact that my skin is so pale and can turn pink at any moment for no apparent reason, it looks like a normal circle. Which is good. The doves look amazing. Every single time I wear a tanktop, I see the wings. So pretty. Has to be my favorite tattoo so far.

Going on to the pathetic part of my life. Well, Cindy left for her backpacking trip around Europe just a couple days ago. And a couple days before that, Josh had to turn in his cell phone while he's out in the middle of nowhere doing military stuff. And on top of that, Audrey left on Saturday to go to California as well. Which means, I'm stuck here in this house with no one to talk to. Except for friends on facebook, who all live in Columbus. Greatttt. So yeah, pretty lonely over here.

Sooo, I decided to get to reading my books that took a while for me to read. I go through phases of reading and not reading. And when I DO read... I really read. Within the past 5 days I have read 3 medium sized books. And am in the middle of finishing a new one. Yesterday, I went to the mall for the soul purpose of buying the next book in 2 different series I'm reading, plus another book. I found them all within a minute, and checked out at the register within 2 minutes. Went home, read, made food, read, watched a movie with my mom while reading, went to bed, read, slept. It was not a restful sleep might I add. Due to the fact that when I read books, my mind doesn't stop imagining things that will happen in the book or anything. Its like a constant movie is playing in my head until the book is done. But the thing about these books I'm reading, they aren't done. There is always a cliff hanger thing. And it never stops. There's always another book that is coming out. So, my mind has been going crazy. When I read books, I really get into them. I mean, I get goosebumps at parts, my blood boils at other times. I scream, I yell, I cry, I get happy, any emotion you can think of, I probably experienced it while reading a book. People get all emotional and shit about movies, and don't get me wrong, I do too. But its magnified times 10 for me when I read a book. And these books, have been crazy.

And it doesn't help that these books are filled with alot of crazy shit. So my dreams have been crazy. I had a nightmare the other day where there was a terrible car accident that was meant to kill my mother and I, but we escaped to my grandmothers house in Columbus with my brothers. And just as my mom and brother Kenton were about to go outside to the car, there was a terrible drive-by with machine guns and everything. My little buddy brother Kyle and I jumped out the back door while we listened in terror the screams of my mother, brother, and grandma. And the laughs of the men with the guns and trench coats. Other stuff happened in the dream, but I was so scared that I woke up in a cold sweat. Yeah, wtf.

The day before that, I also had a crazy dream. But I don't remember it as well. The cause of it was more then likely the fact that I watched Dear John by myself in an empty house. For any one else, it might not be that bad. But it wasn't good for me. I miss Josh, and that movie didn't help me one bit. Needless to say, I cried the entire movie and then couldn't sleep for the longest time. Couldn't get comfortable in my own bed. The most comfortable bed in the entire world, and I couldn't get comfortable. I swear, I rolled in circles for an hour.

Kinda like today. I've been so sleep deprived that I HAD to sleep during the day to function correctly. So, I stayed out in the sun all day to get really tired. And it worked. So I went to bed, and woke up with pillows everywhere. All over the floor at the head of my bed and underneath me. Just everywhere. Signs of the fact that I rolled around in my sleep again. Oh well though, I slept.

So much stuff on my mind its taking a toll on me. I need my life back in order.

Its not going to help me tonight that I just watched the new episode of True Blood.
And of course, it ended on a stupid fucking scene. Where I have no idea what is going to happen next.
I. Fucking. Hate. Cliff. Hangers.

I'm getting pretty sick of them actually. Everywhere I go. For True Blood, I have to wait another week to find out whats going to happen to Sookie, Bill, Eric, and L.C. in the next episode, but for these books, I have to wait another couple months or so until the next book comes out... I don't want to wait that fucking long cause then I forget what happened in the first 7 books.
Or the first 4 books.

So, until those come out, I'm going to have to start a new series. And I know that this series already has alot of books out, so I'll be good for a while. Until that runs out. Then I'll have Anne Rice to fall back on. Thank god.
The only reason I'm not going insane with being at home all the time, not working, not being with friends, not eating correctly, all this great amazing shit, is that I'm reading books again. Keeping my mind occupied.. Most of the time.

This post was just me ranting a long time for no reason other than to get some stuff out of my mind and out in the public for people to see. Even if it is 2 handfuls of people who I know read it. Its all good. Atleast I told random people. Makes me feel slightly better.

"Fate is nothing but the deeds committed in a prior state of existence." - Ralph Waldo Emerson